Friday, December 14, 2007

Connect - ing

This is meant as something to resolve, not a gripe session.

Growing up in Seal Beach, well, no...let me rephrase that...as a young Christian adult there...I had a circle of friends that were great. Mostly young women like myself, there was something we each brought to the table of friendship...honesty, kindness, compassion, grace, joy...I could go on and on! Several of us got together weekly for accountability, but the best times were when we would stay up late, bearing out hearts, or sharing our faults, and encourage each other to grow to be more like Jesus. There are a few of us left...scattered as we are...married, divorced, broken, hurt and restored. We are bound in great ways...both by the memories of who God started with and the ways He has changed us, as well as the hours spent in prayer for each other and the ways He chose to answer those prayers.

Now, what I'm going to share is not ONLY in the Christian faith...I've met women of no faith, denominations within the Christian faith, and other religions all together (Mormon, Hindu, etc) that are living with the same issue. I don't think it's only women that are having this problem, but I don't spend much time talking to men, so I don't always know what they are thinking (OK, I know THAT shocked you!). :)

We are lonely.

We go to church, volunteer, join community groups, help in our kids classrooms, talk in the grocery store to anyone who will listen, call new friends in hope of building relationships, reach out to those hurting and in need. Some of us work "real" jobs, some work at home, some stay at home to accommodate families.

All of us feel completely alone in a room full of people. Most of us know people, but long to know people deeper, real-er, in a more genuine way. We want to be completely honest, in a loving kind way. We want to be accepted, warts and all, and we want to love others, warts and all.

So why is it that we can't do this?? It's as if everyone is pointing at us, stating that we are weird, foreigners, that we don't belong. YET THERE ARE SO MANY OF US!! Slowly we run into each other...and we do connect...but slowly we are (as a society "we") forgetting how to connect. We are losing the ability to fellowship...share each other's burdens....how to have fun together...

Somehow there must be an answer to all of this, and I KNOW that Jesus is in the midst of it all. Oh, to take it all to Him in prayer....

Friday, December 7, 2007

'Tis the season....

Well, that's what they say...over and over....the problem is, that I'm just not much in the mood for Christmas. At least not the commercial one.

Jessica and Joshua have been gone for almost a year now...the last time we put up lights, decorated the tree, sent out cards...they were here! THEY decorated the tree (if I remember correctly, I would have been fine without one then too...) and she kept me motivated to do cookies and fudge and all the other treats that they could get here and not take with them. Now they are "there" and I ship them things for her to make "traditional" foods to share. Who knew that butterscotch chips and dried cranberries would be hot commodities...??

Melissa, Ryan and Adaya are safely tucked into their NY place...only a few weeks and they'll head back to Pittsburgh, PA to do interview #2 and preaching in front of everyone. They should know that day if he's go the job. I just want God's will. I want them to get to stay in one place for several years and put down some roots. I want them to make friends, people of all ages, and to be joyful and GROW. Yes, I know that I'll miss them not being close by, but they could be an hour away and I'll still miss them....that just happens with me.

Jason has a girlfriend. She's from Brazil. I wonder where he'll end up. I don't worry about it, I just wonder. He has finals next week, and she will head back to Brazil for the break. It's going to be a long month...

I volunteered at the hospital this week...and went back today for their Christmas luncheon. Hmm...I wonder if it was really a "holiday" luncheon. No matter. I was the youngest woman there in the Auxiliary (no one told me that, it was just easy to tell) :) I enjoy meeting the ladies, and getting reaquainted with some of them. I love to hear some of the workers (adminsitration, pr, etc) exclaim "Marina's back!". I'm glad. I'm glad that they are glad. It feels good, and it's fun. I don't care that I'm 47 and everyone else is....well, I don't even want to guess how old they are...but I know that most of them have ALL gray hair as a natural color, and that Mr. Rooney is now 94. I heard several women say that they have recently had new babies in their family, and they were ALL GREAT GRANDMA's. I guess I am the youngest in the group. That's ok.

They say that we'll have ice this weekend...it seems as if it's fact, and not a guess. The only guess is when it will happen...and that's always a question. Today I did shopping...milk, eggs, bread, cheese....you name it. Not only did I buy in case we really do get an ice storm, I bought because Jason will be home in a week....IF we get really iced in, at least we'll have food to feed him for a day or two. :)

I don't know if I have a cold, or allergies. Ugh. My nose goes from sniffling to sneezing, and my eyes feel tired and the size of peas...always a bad sign. sigh. I took an allergy pill, and it must have worn off since I'm at it again. Perhaps some ibuprofen will work....that would be nice. That and some tea....ah, that will be nice. Mark should be home soon and we're supposed to go to Rogers, AR to do some shopping...finishing up the grocery shopping and to buy some Christmas Cards....AAGH....again. I want to make my own, but I don't have the enthusiasm to do it...why? I have great ideas, the right things to say, even colors to do them in...but no motivation. *sigh* I need to finish this quilt top (and then quilt it too) but I lack the motivation to do that also. OH, and tomorrow I'm supposed to get together with a friend who is craving Christmas....she wants to get in the mood for the season...

And all I want to do is hunker down...cuddle up...sleep in....perhaps quilt and watch an old movie (the only way I can sit long enough to quilt!!). I'll enjoy her company and go along for the ride. I'll celebrate the season with her because she is my friend...and it will be the only time we can get together for a while...

and that will be nice....