I've been out of sorts lately...not trying to be...but dealing with the whole diagnosis of asthma, and catching every bug in this winter system, has had me down. I have felt all along that this is either spiritual warfare, or God is trying to teach me something - how opposite can you get??? - and usually just floundering in between. I don't doubt God's ability to heal, allow illness, or use it for our benefit - and ultimately I believe that ALL things in life, whether good or bad, exist to bring Him glory. It's not about me, it's all about Jesus!
So these past few months, I'm sort of getting knocked around a bit more than usual, and not quite sure what this all means. I hesitated to write/blog about any of it as it has been an emotional roller coaster, and there are plenty of folks on those right now...lol..no need to ask anyone to stand in THAT line!! And yet, in a more recent revelation, as I sit in my twice filtered air, running humidifiers and taking pills, using my inhalers, and getting through a cold to boot, it hits me - WRITE.
Oh GOSH!! HOW can I be SO stupid sometimes?? How many times have I found myself at this EXACT spot, like a plot that we see in a whole list of movies - same story, different scenery - and this is my life. WRITE.
See, God's gifted me many ways (I believe He has gifted ALL of us many ways!!) but sometimes I lose the forest for the trees.
Do you remember in the movie "Little Women" with Wynona Ryder, and he's telling her how she should have been a teacher...and she responded "There's a great many things I should have been..." or something like that... That's how I feel. There are SO many things I CAN do...but not all of them are what I was MADE to do...I was made to write.
I wrote when I was a little kid...I loved it. I loved writing (dramatic as it was) as an adolescent, as a teen. I was writing and posting in an online group as soon as I was on a computer...posting devotionals and writing my heart out. I was MADE to write.
(haha...I HOPE He also created people MADE to read...)
My problem is that I love doing other things too, and I'm ABLE to do other things. I love organizing events, helping people create and run things, making phone calls and visiting. I enjoy getting to know people, spending time asking questions and making them feel like they are the only person in the room. I love encouraging people, finding how God's equipped them and praying with them to see what He wants to do with those gifts. I love to travel, to quilt, to paint and do photography, to cook, to serve others....and He equipped me to do all these things...but usually they all serve as a distraction to what I'm supposed to be doing...WRITING.
So, my word for the year this year is "Intentional" - to do things on purpose - not on accident, not haphazardly, not halfway...but with specific design. And although it's taken me a month to figure how this is played out in my life - I'm here - back on the blog and typing up a storm.
For me, writing - this year - is a spiritual act of worship.